January 30th, 2004
The Book of Lifts, or, how and why frozencapybara is a goddess.
- For it came to pass that lo, my car did shit the bed.
- And it did make unhappy smoke when driven, and did vent the smoke upon me in lieu of my traditional non-smoke-flavoured heat.
- And lo, I was wroth.
- And I did think that perhaps the engine was just in need of oil, as is oft told of in the lore of dealings with cars.
- And I did make goodly sacrifice of oil unto the car.
- But it did spurn my sacrifice and continue to make bad oil-smells at me.
- And so at last I did despair, and suspecting that some important part or other had been rent in twain, I did make an appointment to have the car looked at by the mechanic at the Wellesley VW dealer.
- And the mechanic cried unto me upon the telephone, Wilt thou drop thy car off, or wilt thou wait? And I answered, I will wait, for I have no way to get anywhere from thy dealership without it.
- And he did say, Well, we have a shuttle service that can take thee back to Waltham, and thou dost realise that this repair, being of complexity great and wondrous, might take all day. And I did answer, No shit?
- But then I did bethink me, and I did say, Being that as it may, if I go home to Waltham, how shall I return unto thy dealership to take hold of my car again?
- And I was much perplexed, for I had no desire to spend a whole day experiencing the glory that, frankly, is not the Wellesley VW dealership.
- And I did think me of frozencapybara, and I did beseech her for a lift, crying, Give thou me this lift, and I shall be ever grateful; and I shall make sacrifice unto thee of vegetarian sushi or whatever grabs thee, when next thou and kviri and I dine together.
- And frozencapybara did say, Behold, this I am willing to do, even without the bribe; and for I am a compassionate goddess, perhaps it shall even be I shalt drive thee via the Secret Way that avoideth Route 95 and Route 9; but I have no idea where the Wellesley VW dealership lieth.
- And I did say, I can navigate for thee; and thankyouthankyouthankyou, for the prospect of this day had not been looking good; and hold me to that sushi promise, because as errands go this doth be somewhat of a pain in the arse.
- And I did take the car unto the dealership; and the shuttle did drive me back unto my dwelling. And I did spend the day in the comfort of my dwelling, rather than tarrying in the uncomfortable chair at the dealership.
- And when I heard that the mechanic was finished, and that the car was ready, frozencapybara did collect me in her mighty chariot; and she did brave the Friday rush-hour traffic; and she did drive me via the Secret Way that avoideth Route 95 and Route 9; and we did reach the dealership in practically no time.
- And I did drive myself home in my much-happier car; and did remind myself to write this Book, which now seemeth to be ending on a somewhat self-referential note.
- In fact, I seem to have drifted somewhat from my original point, which in a nutshell was:
- frozencapybara is a goddess.
- So there.
Doug raises the bar on goddess odes.
This is excellent.
Even if I did first think it was about elevators, from the title... :-)
I think the really, really inspired touch is the Words of frozencapybara in Red
I adore you, Doug. And now I must go fetch my copy of TBB. :)