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The Book of Lifts, or, how and why frozencapybara is a… - W.A.S.T.E

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January 30th, 2004


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05:33 pm
The Book of Lifts, or, how and why frozencapybara is a goddess.

  1. For it came to pass that lo, my car did shit the bed.
  2. And it did make unhappy smoke when driven, and did vent the smoke upon me in lieu of my traditional non-smoke-flavoured heat.
  3. And lo, I was wroth.
  4. And I did think that perhaps the engine was just in need of oil, as is oft told of in the lore of dealings with cars.
  5. And I did make goodly sacrifice of oil unto the car.
  6. But it did spurn my sacrifice and continue to make bad oil-smells at me.
  7. And so at last I did despair, and suspecting that some important part or other had been rent in twain, I did make an appointment to have the car looked at by the mechanic at the Wellesley VW dealer.
  8. And the mechanic cried unto me upon the telephone, Wilt thou drop thy car off, or wilt thou wait? And I answered, I will wait, for I have no way to get anywhere from thy dealership without it.
  9. And he did say, Well, we have a shuttle service that can take thee back to Waltham, and thou dost realise that this repair, being of complexity great and wondrous, might take all day. And I did answer, No shit?
  10. But then I did bethink me, and I did say, Being that as it may, if I go home to Waltham, how shall I return unto thy dealership to take hold of my car again?
  11. And I was much perplexed, for I had no desire to spend a whole day experiencing the glory that, frankly, is not the Wellesley VW dealership.
  12. And I did think me of frozencapybara, and I did beseech her for a lift, crying, Give thou me this lift, and I shall be ever grateful; and I shall make sacrifice unto thee of vegetarian sushi or whatever grabs thee, when next thou and kviri and I dine together.
  13. And frozencapybara did say, Behold, this I am willing to do, even without the bribe; and for I am a compassionate goddess, perhaps it shall even be I shalt drive thee via the Secret Way that avoideth Route 95 and Route 9; but I have no idea where the Wellesley VW dealership lieth.
  14. And I did say, I can navigate for thee; and thankyouthankyouthankyou, for the prospect of this day had not been looking good; and hold me to that sushi promise, because as errands go this doth be somewhat of a pain in the arse.
  15. And I did take the car unto the dealership; and the shuttle did drive me back unto my dwelling. And I did spend the day in the comfort of my dwelling, rather than tarrying in the uncomfortable chair at the dealership.
  16. And when I heard that the mechanic was finished, and that the car was ready, frozencapybara did collect me in her mighty chariot; and she did brave the Friday rush-hour traffic; and she did drive me via the Secret Way that avoideth Route 95 and Route 9; and we did reach the dealership in practically no time.
  17. And I did drive myself home in my much-happier car; and did remind myself to write this Book, which now seemeth to be ending on a somewhat self-referential note.
  18. In fact, I seem to have drifted somewhat from my original point, which in a nutshell was:
  19. frozencapybara is a goddess.
  20. So there.

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Comments:


[User Picture]
From:z_gryphon
Date:January 31st, 2004 12:56 am (UTC)
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Doug, I love you.
[User Picture]
From:zonereyrie
Date:January 31st, 2004 02:42 am (UTC)
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Doug raises the bar on goddess odes.
[User Picture]
From:mindways
Date:January 31st, 2004 05:36 am (UTC)
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This is excellent.

Even if I did first think it was about elevators, from the title... :-)
[User Picture]
From:z_gryphon
Date:January 31st, 2004 05:39 am (UTC)

Re:

(Link)
I think the really, really inspired touch is the Words of frozencapybara in Red.
[User Picture]
From:broken_gizmo
Date:January 31st, 2004 02:38 pm (UTC)
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*giggles madly*

I adore you, Doug. And now I must go fetch my copy of TBB. :)

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