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From a long-running thread (originated on the Steve Jackson games… - W.A.S.T.E

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October 29th, 2003


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12:10 pm
From a long-running thread (originated on the Steve Jackson games news server, I believe) about combination movie titles...

Beauty and the Beast Within: Belle bears a son who becomes a psycho serial killer upon entering puberty.

Galaxy Quest for Fire: The cast of a popular science fiction show is cast back in time to help a pre-historic people learn how to barbecue.

It's a Wonderful Life of Brian: The boy born in the stable next to Jesus wishes he'd never been born. Everyone else pretty much agrees with him.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being John Malkovich: A womanizing Czech surgeon flees the Russian invasion by going through a doorway into John Malkovich's head.


American Beauty and the Beast: The beast quits his job and struggles with a mid-life crisis.

Freaky Friday the 13th: Jason and Mrs. Voorhees switch places for one day. Oddly, it's still a standard slasher flick with two killers.

Superman on the Moon: Jim Carrey stars as the Man of Steel, the most misunderstood comic genius of our time. The Academy snubs him again.

The Neverending Story of Us: Focuses on the on-again/off-again relationship of a man and woman who may only see each other through a sort of magical cyberspace reachable only by reading the book with the Orin Symbol on the cover. Cameos by the Luck Dragon and the Rock Biter.

Tom & Jerry McGuire: Tom Cruise becomes the agent of a homicidal cat and ends up rediscovering himself in the process. Show me the anvil!

An American Tale from the Crypt: Fievel and family hole up in the wrong house and end up being chased by a mummified corpse voiced by Buster Bunny. Mayhem involving meat grinders, chainsaws, and pencil sharpeners ensues.

Journey to the Red Planet of the Apes: Mankind's first manned mission to Mars unearths startling evidence that someone beat us there — chimps and orangs, to be exact. Charlton Heston plays Dr. Zaius.

American Pi: A mathematician, obsessed with Pi, makes a pact with his fellow scientists to help each other finally get laid.

The Remains of the Day of the Triffids: A poignant tale of two triffids who find themselves by finding each other.

A Room With a View to a Kill: A period piece in which a young Englishwoman experiences Silicon Valley while helping Christopher Walken take over the world — and only James Bond can stop her!

The Island of Dr. Strangelove, or How I Quit Worrying, and Learned To Love Genetically-Altered Animals: A dark comedic romp, following the antics of the good Doctor (Peter Sellers) as he tries to take over the world with fluid-obsessed, jingoistic, B-52-flying animal hybrids.

The Magnificent Seven Brides for Seven Samurai: An Oriental Western musical, this genre-hopping smash hit stars Yul Brynner, Steve McQueen, Charles Bronson, James Coburn, Takashi Shimura, Toshirô Mifune, Yoshio Inaba, Seiji Miyaguchi, Richard Dean Anderson, Peter Horton, Joan Kjar, and River Phoenix (as Guthrie McFadden). Co-directed by Akira Kurosawa and John Sturges. When the McFadden boys returned from Japan, they found that their peaceful hacienda in Mexico was being menaced by a ruthless gang of bandits. With six-guns blazing, katana flashing, and book and libretto by Benet, Hackett, Goodrich, and Kingsley, this story puts the "bun" back in asobihanbun!

Prelude to a Kiss Before Dying Young: Husband notices strange changes in his new bride, whose twin sister is a nurse being stalked by a murderous leukemia patient. Hastily tacked-on happy ending leaves many plot threads dangling.

Tender is the Night of the Lepus: Psychiatrist DeForest Kelley drinks a lot, saves a Southern town from killer rabbits.

Twilight's Last Gleaming the Cube: Skateboarder Christian Slater is the only one who can stop mad general Burt Lancaster from starting World War Three.

Regarding Henry V: British King (Harrison Ford) is injured at Agincourt, wakes up a much nicer guy.

Shaft in Africa Screams: Richard Roundtree in a update of the Abbott and Costello classic.

Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead Again: Obsession, reincarnation, and a vengeful mob boss (Christopher Walken) make trouble for a detective (Kenneth Branagh).

Ferris Bueller's Daylight: A teenager skips school to hang with his friends, but finds himself trapped in a New York city tunnel with only Sylvester Stallone to save him...

Dad's Army of Darkness: Ash helps the British Home Guard fight off an army of Nazi death zombies out to invade Warrington-by-the-Sea.

Night Eyes Wide Shut: A security guard finds out about a strange cult and gets involved in their erotic activities.

Die Hard Boiled: Bruce Willis. Chow Yun-Fat. Two maverick cops, a whole lot of guns. Do you need any further explanation?

The Blair Witch Project X: A film student (Matthew Broderick) and two chimps get lost in the woods while filming an Air Force training video. Lots of chimp's eye view, as one of the apes is in charge of the camera.

For the Boyz N the Hood: Bette Midler and James Caan are USO performers, singing for the veteran gang-banger youths in L.A.

The Sixth Sense & Sensibility: a young woman in England tries to find the perfect man who can see dead people.

The Man Without a Face/Off: A young boy befriends a scarred psychotic FBI Agent Latin tutor with a hidden past, a pair of .45s, and someone else's face!

Star Wars Episode I: Phantom Menace II Society: Young Obi-Wan Kenobi and O-Dog find a young Tattooine ghetto hustler strong in the Force. Together they confront the brutal reality of ghetto life in LA and fight an invading army of robots!

A Bridge Too Far and Away: A poor Irishman and a rich landlord's daughter flee Ireland and airdrop into Arnhem to seize the bridge across the Rhine!

Fast Times at Ridgemont High and Low: Toshiro Mifune, Sean Penn, and Jennifer Jason Lee star in this teen comedy about high school, sex, and friendship. Witness their hi-jinks as Mifune's chauffeur's son is kidnapped when he is mistaken for Mifune's own son!

Throne of Blood Simple: A man schemes to seize the throne he has been denied by fate, with the help of a P.I. he has hired to kill the wife who inspired his power grab and her lover!

Voyage to the Planet of the Prehistoric Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown: Badly-dubbed Russian astronauts go to Venus and get mixed up with a Spanish actress and her complicated love life.

All Quiet on the Western Front Page: Fast-talking newsman discovers the horrors of WWI.

Girls! Girls! Girls, Interrupted!: Singing fisherman falls for a girl pretending to be insane. Hilarity ensues.

I Am Curious, Yellow Submarine: Swedish sex researcher goes to Pepperland.

I Am Curious, Blue Velvet: Swedish sex researcher goes to the Pacific Northwest, finds an ear, and meets a sadist with an oxygen fetish.

A Streetcar Named Desire Under the Elms: Southern belle comes to stay with her sister and abusive brother-in-law, has affair with stepson. Hilarity ensues.

The Godfather of the Bride: Steve Martin encounters a wedding plan he can't refuse. Features Martin Short's severed head.

Close Encounters of the Sixth Sense: Little boy sees dead aliens.

It Happened One Night to Remember: Ellie Andrews has just tied the knot with society aviator King Westley when her father whisks her away on the Titanic.

His Gal Friday the Thirteenth: An editor of a major Chicago newspaper loses his ace reporter and former wife to an insurance salesman, causing him to don a hockey mask and wield a bloody axe!

Bringing Up Three Men and a Baby: Three bachelors have their lives turned upside down when someone abandons a leopard in their loft.

Sling Blade Runner: A man released from a psychiatric hospital where he has been hospitalized since the age of 12 becomes a policeman of the future who hunts down replicants, their mothers and their mothers' lovers.

Uncle Buck Privates Come Home: Bud Abbott and John Candy are GIs heading home from Europe, with Candy's niece hidden in his duffel bag.

The Maltese Falcon and the Snowman: As Sam Spade investigates the murder of his partner, he encounters a host of strange characters after spy named Snowman with a statue of a falcon reputed to hold sensitive government materials wanted by the Soviets.

The Land Before A Time to Kill: All hell breaks loose in the Pleistocene when a Threehorn father kills two Longnecks who raped his daughter. Attorney Littlefoot must defend the man against all odds.

The Mighty Howard the Ducks: A team of hockey-playing ducks from outer space land in little league and go on to the championships. Emilio Estevez reprises the role of coach once again.

The Empire Strikes Backdraft: Vader whips the Imperial stormtroopers into lean, mean firefighters. The Empire then assaults the Fire planet Hot, forcing the Rebels to evacuate their base.

All Reservoir Dogs Go to Heaven: Animated film about a team of canine criminals. When they all die in a bloody massacre, they steal their soul clocks and return to earth on borrowed time. Starring the voices of Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, and Samuel L. Jackson.

The Empire Strikes Back To The Future: Luke Skywalker travels back in time to prevent Darth Vader from killing his father. Wacky hi-jinks ensue.

Defending Your Life of Brian: The Messiah's next-door neighbor finds courage in the afterlife.

The Lost Boys on the Side: Three road-tripping women find solace in a brief affair with teenage vampires.

The Fisher King Kong: Cynical Radio Personality finds his humanity by befriending a delusional giant ape.

Night on Earth of the Creeps: Six vignettes from the point of view of taxi drivers as the world is overrun by zombie-making leeches.

From Dusk to Zulu Dawn: Vampires and Zulus smash a column of British soldiers at Isandhlwana.

What About Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice?: A wacky quartet of would-be swingers follow their therapist on vacation.

Three Days of the Condorman: A cartoonist is on the run from the CIA and he doesn't know why! To escape death, he turns himself into a comic-book superhero.

Twelve Angry Men and a Baby: A panel of jurors must decide the fate of a man, all while raising a baby none of them are prepared for! Starring Tom Selleck, Henry Fonda, and Steve Guttenburg.

Race For Your Life, Jackie Brown!: Animated by Charles Shultz, Charlie Brown and his gun-running buddies must outwit the police and win the big camp river race.

The King and I, Claudius: The King of Siam gets a tutor for his children — future Roman emperor Claudius. They strike up an unlikely friendship — and sing lots of songs — as court intrigue wipes out the enemies of the Augustan dynasty. (Reviewers note: watch for the performance of 'Uncle Vercingtorix's Cabin'.)

...and especially...

The Breakfast Fight Club: A coming-of-age story in which five teens deal with the angst of middle-class white suburban high school by beating each other to a pulp in the basement during a day-long detention session.

The Joy Luck Fight Club: A group of Chinese-American women learn about love, laughter, and themselves when they start beating each other to a pulp in basements.

Fight Club Paradise: Brad Pitt and Ed Norton beat Robin Williams, Mary Gross, and Rick Moranis to a pulp in the basement of a Caribbean resort.

The First Wives Fight Club: Three divorcees meet together and act out their anger at their loser husbands by beating each other to a pulp in a basement.

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Fight Club Band: Based on the Beatles album, a group of travelling musicians beat each other to a pulp in basements for the benefit of Mr. Kite.

(10 comments | Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:mindways
Date:October 29th, 2003 06:09 pm (UTC)
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[Finishes laughing, wipes eyes]

Oh, my. Some of those are priceless...
[User Picture]
From:kazmat
Date:October 29th, 2003 06:24 pm (UTC)
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Good lord, those are hysterical.
[User Picture]
From:zonereyrie
Date:October 29th, 2003 09:19 pm (UTC)
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These are great!
[User Picture]
From:brainiac69
Date:October 29th, 2003 09:30 pm (UTC)

can we all play?

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Gods and Monsters, Inc.: the voices of John Goodman and Billy Crystal accidentally let an animated James Whale out of the closet (so to speak)
[User Picture]
From:trystero
Date:October 29th, 2003 09:36 pm (UTC)

Re: can we all play?

(Link)
*smirk*

Free Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory: A little boy wins a Golden Ticket and ownership of a candy factory, but decides that he must free the factory's killer whale from exploitation. Look out for the perennial kids' favourite "Orca-Loompa" song.
[User Picture]
From:trystero
Date:October 29th, 2003 09:47 pm (UTC)

Re: can we all play?

(Link)
Apocalypse Now and Then: Rosie O'Donnell, Demi Moore, Melanie Griffith and Rita Wilson look back on their childhood in Vietnam and the meeting with Colonel Kurtz that changed their lives forever.

Friday the 13th Warrior: Axe-wielding Vikings in hockey masks!

*snort*

Dancer in the Dark City of Lost Children of the Corn: French surrealist-horror musical starring Bjork as a group of Satanic clones attempting to regain their failing sight by stealing childhood dreams from reality-shaping aliens... uh... *break*
[User Picture]
From:buddhagrrl
Date:October 29th, 2003 10:24 pm (UTC)

Re: can we all play?

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i'm nearly ready to pee in my pants, thanks

you HAVE TO STOP
[User Picture]
From:trystero
Date:October 29th, 2003 10:31 pm (UTC)

Re: can we all play?

(Link)
Mr. B Natural Born Killers (aka The Wrath of Conn): Traumatised in childhood by an androgynous musical fairy, "Buzz" grows up to be a psychopathic serial murderer. Also features Juliette Lewis (in a real stretch) as the white-trash girlfriend.
[User Picture]
From:brainiac69
Date:October 30th, 2003 03:47 pm (UTC)

Re: can we all play?

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ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgahdddddddddd!

hahahahhaa. very nice.
[User Picture]
From:z_gryphon
Date:October 30th, 2003 01:45 am (UTC)
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This reminds me of the title collisions which sometimes occur on too-small multi-screen theater marquees. Those don't feature common words crossovers like this, so are much more hit or miss, but sometimes they can be very good indeed, cf. Death Becomes Unlawful Entry. At theaters where the marquees are too small but the management insists on trying to squeeze star names on, the potential becomes even higher, cf. Macaulay Culkin vs. Army of Darkness.

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