Do they have any idea, the Iranian regime? Do they grasp, at all, why the world is so frightened of them? Tehran, please, listen. It's not because you pose a lurking threat to our beloved US-dominated, Zionist hegemony. I know you like to think that, but genuinely, it isn't. It's because you're lunatics. Proper, bomb-humping, women-hating, backward freaks. Guys, you may be the heirs to six millennia of Persian civilisation, but you come across, no offence meant, like the compulsive loony on the bus.

You issue theological proclamations about haircuts, for God's sake. In almost any other situation in the world, this would be the behaviour of people who have lost their minds.