April 8th, 2004
Um. Well. A company making testicular implants for pets. I guess everything is available online if you look hard enough.
Highlight, from their FAQ: "Custom sizing is available." I find myself thinking of all the people who think their trucks look cool riding up on huge oversized tires, and hoping they don't have pets...
To me, the "best" part is that they claim the pets don't notice they've lost anything... except that right there in the FAQ they note that their product is superior to vasectomizing dogs because vasectomy doesn't remove the dog's aggressive behavior, territoriality, tendency to run off in search of bitches in heat, etc.
I'm not saying any of those things are GOOD? But they're definitely things the dogs don't have any more. The process causes a fundamental personality change, and they're all, "He doesn't know anything's happened!"
I imagine they don't, but it's because they're not freaking sapient, not because they've got fake balls. :)
I dunno. I'm kind of fond of this:
Neuticles are providing a solid solution to the pet overpopulation crisis by encouraging thousands of caring pet owners to neuter that simply would not before.
...how, exactly? I mean, if you're attached to your dog's fecundity, fake balls are not going to help that cause any.
Now, if you're somehow attached to the dog having something that provides the semblance of real nuts for *your* nefarious purposes, I question how much of a caring pet owner you actually *are.* I think the word for that is "zoophile."
Another favorite, also from the FAQ:
Neuticles are crafted from FDA medically-approved solid silicone. Unlike the 'gel' silicone from decades past- this space age material is 30% softer than the pet's natural testicle prior to implantation.
Add to the list of jobs I don't want: pet natural-testicle-softness researcher
Did you watch the Flash intro at the top level of the site? I... I... words utterly fail me.
I find myself thinking of all the people who think their trucks look cool riding up on huge oversized tires, and hoping they don't have pets...
Nah, those people can just get these
When my last boss had his vasectomy done, the NOC got him a pair of these. :)