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May 4th, 2004

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10:24 pm
"All families should note, however, that President Bush will not stoop to emulate his forty-two inferior predecessors by appearing at even one token funeral for the many hundreds he will send to their gloriously premature FREEDOM® Deaths. Indeed, beyond the fact that such services are rarely equipped with the state-of-the-art teleprompting hardware required to deliver a convincing facsimile of sympathy, the President is concerned that any such appearances might be misconstrued by voters as a tacit acknowledgement that all Americans are equally worthy of respect — or worse, health care."

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